Coaching Myself - a "must read"

Note: I wrote this particular article to provide a glimpse into what it's like to work with a coach.  The beauty of blogging is that you get to write your dreams and fears while they are fresh in your mind.  

The following is what I call a "true story."  My hope is that by creating a dialogue between "regular Kioka" and "coach Kioka," the reader will feel empowered to embrace her/his own authenticity with clarity and confidence.  As a bonus, you get a minuscule peek into what an actual coaching session can look like. Enjoy!
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Kioka says:
As I type this right now, it is 1:27 in the morning, April Fools Day 2014 (4/1/14).  I can't sleep because I am feeling a sense of complete overwhelm.  The last few days have been somewhat torturous - it almost feels like I have no foundation, no sense of peace.

The reasons for my state of mind are completely understandable, once I get down to the basic facts.  What are those facts?  Essentially, everywhere I look in my life, I have lost security.  I literally do not have any foundation.  Yes, I created most of my circumstance but seriously?  Must everything be up in the air?

The facts that support my contention:

1. I left my job and started a business in 2012.  Launching this labor of love has been more roller coaster than I would have ever imagined, with ups and downs and plenty of fast-paced riding in between.  While the vision for kiokacoaching is clearer than ever, the implementation is just as confusing and muddy as ever.  I am all about continuous development - I am a coach after all.  But this is a bit much!
2. I declared 2014 my year to find true love and partnership.  The journey in itself is at once a mystery and a production.  I know about lots of things - men and romance are not any of those things.  
3. My greatest support and cheerleader, my mom, was diagnosed with an unbelievably devastating condition - thereby rocking my world and testing every faith I have ever known.  It is inconceivable to me that I, or my dad or anyone else, would have to face life without my healthy and whole mother.  

How bold should I be in sharing this?  As a life and career coach who is supposed to have it all together, how do I tell the world that sometimes life knocks me down too?  Sometimes I don't know where I should turn or to what I should put my attention on?  Do I put my own career, vision and livelihood in jeopardy by exposing my deepest fears?  And how do I get up in the morning?

Kioka from kiokacoaching replies:

So you are having a rough few days.  Yes, I acknowledge that you have a lot going on.  Anyone in your shoes may feel desperate to find grounding somewhere.  

You have the power to change your response to any of your issues.  You've tackled heavier issues than this in your lifetime, correct?  How did you get through those times?  

A few questions to ask yourself (and then answer):

1. What are your specific reasons for creating the life you have chosen for yourself?  What do you value MOST, and does this new life support those values?
2. Remind me - what is the complete VISION you have for your life and career?  If I recall, you started kiokacoaching because you wanted to demonstrate the possibility of a life and career in accordance with who you REALLY are and what you REALLY love to do.  So by putting yourself out there, are you aligned with your vision?
3. Prior to this moment, when was the last time you felt overwhelmed?  What were the circumstances and how did you handle the situation?
4. Prior to this moment, what was the last "journey" you took when you did not know the answer?  Were you able to learn from that situation?  If so, did it make you a better or worse person for attempting to make the necessary change(s)?
5. Although your mother's condition may seem outside of your control, what is one thing you want to do to manage the situation? If you can't think of anything, what would she want you to do?  
6. Although everything seems unstable at the moment, who can you call on to help re-establish faith in your foundation, and in yourself?

I know that is a lot to ask.  So how about we just start with the one question that resonates the most with you.  We can continue to work on the rest until your "foundation" feels steady once again.  You got this - I know you do.

End - 2:09 a.m.

Note: I purposely did not answer my own questions here, as I have already revealed more than my fair share of mind/heart stuff.  However you can use these questions and many other powerful coaching questions to address predicaments and perceived setbacks you face in your own life.  We all get lost sometimes - it's good to know we can always find our way back when needed.  I wish that for you just as much as I wish it for myself.  Feel free to reply and let me know what you think.  Until next time, namaste y'all.

kioka

Conquering my own fears - my very first blog

Wow!  My very first blog!  It’s been a long time coming but I am finally dipping my toe into the big scary pond of online articles.  For almost a year, I have been building a ubiquitous list of ideas and topics designed to inspire and motivate readers towards a life and career authentic to who you really are and where your true desires lie.

For those who don’t know me, my name is Kioka and I own a life/career coaching practice called kiokacoaching, inc.  In my former life as an HR Partner supporting leaders and associates in several Fortune 500 companies, it became clear that my gift from the Universe is the unparalleled ability to connect with the person sitting across from me and engage them in the hopes and dreams they have for themselves and their families.  Now that I coach full-time, what a blessing it is to live and work in alignment with my own dreams and passions!  In case you are not familiar with the power of coaching, I can tell you that I get to do what I love because another coach worked with me to address my limiting beliefs, and identify and achieve major life goals that mattered to me.  

Part of the reason I became attracted to coaching is the lure of living in authenticity.  And one of the primary components of authenticity is to be completely honest about yourself.  So it is in that spirit that I tentatively yet courageously divulge the main reason I have procrastinated in writing and publishing my thoughts ---- I am terrified of writing. More accurately, I am petrified of sharing what I write with the world. Yep, that’s the honest truth, the BIG BAD SECRET.  I have spent these past few months reading a slew of articles and books, building up my knowledge capacity, listening to all types of podcasts and the like, all in the name of becoming “edu-ma-cated” so I can share top-notch, cutting-edge knowledge (see, already I’m repeating words which is a literary no-no) with an audience.  But let’s face it - it’s been more like an exercise in the highest form of procrastination meant to avoid the fears and self doubt that dwell within me.  

Here is how those fears and doubts look:

• What if no one likes what I have to say?
• What if I don’t have anything to add to the conversation?  No one wants to read a stale point of view.
• There is already so much commentary posted everywhere.  What if no one reads anything I write?  
• Is this the right time to start?
• Am I qualified to write anything with all of these run-on sentences, poor thought structure, and whatever else comes to mind?
• Will I bring shame to my family? to my friends? to my colleagues and/or clients? Perhaps that is a bit of a stretch but you get my point.

Oddly enough, it’s this topic of fear that I address with almost every coaching client.  Typically it’s fear of something that stops us from pursuing the very thing we want so badly, whether it’s a new career, relationship, more money, education, a promotion, and on and on.  So I share this not because I selfishly need to get out of my own way.  Okay, that’s actually part of it.  But also it’s freeing and hopefully contagious to admit that perfection is not required to take necessary steps to move forward in life.  In other words, being an expert is not a requirement for full engagement in certain aspects of your life.  What is required is showing up, staying present, and maintaining accountability for your own dreams and desires.  

What is the worst that could happen?  I could be ignored, or judged, or made fun of, or even ridiculed - probably the appropriate word is “vulnerability.”  Being ignored or open to criticism - who on earth wants to deal with that???  Actually, the worst that can happen is to allow these thoughts stand in the way of living my mission and my true calling - partnering with women and men, especially corporate professionals, to purposefully pursue a career and life in alignment with their true desires. What if my words resonate with someone enough to think about living differently, more in line with their own personal vision?  Would this soul-baring experiment be worth it?  I imagine the answer is yes.  Therefore, I am holding faithful to the belief that by publicly confronting my own private terror, you too will take bold, brave steps towards whatever it is you want for your own life, knowing that at least one person will cheer you on from the sidelines (that’s me, by the way).  So I am going to stop worrying about all of that other stuff.  It serves no one else to stay in that small spot, and it certainly is not serving me!  The reality is, someone needs to hear what I have to say, even if it’s just me.  

How will this work?  About once every 2-3 weeks, I will post an article on various life and career interests that are specifically designed to get you thinking about your own circumstances, especially if you are looking to “upgrade” in those areas.  These articles will be part of a series called “kee-licious indulgence.” (Explanation is below...)  I will also invite you to share with me either by emailing directly to kioka@kiokacoaching.com, or responding to the article in the box below.  I am looking to spark an interest in what REALLY matters to most people, instead of focusing on what you think you should be doing with your life and career.  To further support and inspire, I intend to use my own life lessons and bravely expose my own wins, successes, failures and setbacks so you will understand that we are not alone.  By doing this, hopefully we can join as a community to explore facets of life that we may not get much opportunity to reflect on.  I look forward to sharing things I have learned throughout my forty-some years of life education, and I trust that you will feel comfortable enough to do the same.    Some topics may resonate with you; others may float right on by.  Regardless, kee-licious indulgence is now open for your review and comment.

So feel free to leave me a message below if anything about fear resonates with you.  How is it holding you back in your life?  What is one small step you can take to address this fear and move forward?  I look forward to hearing from you.

Namaste ya’ll,

Kioka

kiokacoaching

Visit me at www.kiokacoaching.com.  

P.S. “kee-licious indulgence” was the name of my personal chef service from a few years back.  God inspired my mom to come up with that name and I don’t want to let it go.  So instead of serving nourishment for your body, I now transition into serving nourishment for your mind and your soul.  Sweet.